Day 123 – The Space Between the Moons

I was definitely right when I said in my last post that we have to scrub away the dirt before my soul can awaken. The problem is, I had no idea just how much dirt we were really dealing with.

Once again, I managed to idealise the whole process. I naively believed it would take a few days tops—that we would suddenly be free, passionate, and happy, enjoying our homemaking journey and building Blackbird Cottage happily ever after. It really is amusing how idealistic I can be sometimes. Most of the time... or is it all the time? Yes, the third option is the correct answer.

When the Scorpio moon arrived, it left me with big ideals and a sudden rush of hope. The shop was finally getting full, beautiful products were being added every day, a stable routine was forming, and everything made sense.

Until it didn’t.

Up until that point, I thought I had everything under control. I had flawless products, flawless titles, and perfect descriptions. I even felt proud and happy. Or so I thought. But the moon that arrived two weeks later convinced me otherwise. Actually, no convincing was even needed. Everything just became crystal clear.

In a single moment, I saw that I had mistaken happiness for safety. I had mistaken freedom for control. I had mistaken a perfect Blackbird Cottage storefront for an empty, soulless print-on-demand business.

How could I fool myself so completely again? How could I think we were finally on the path to joyful living and a heartfelt business, when in fact we were walking in the exact opposite direction? I really don't know. I suppose when the amount of dirt covering your soul is heavy, it is easy to make mistakes.

But I guess that's why we have the Universe and its clever moons, right? To lift the veil, to wake us up, and to make us see clearly again. And it certainly did that.

At first, I truly welcomed its insights. They felt like cool water fresh from the well, quenching a thirst I have carried for years. But right now? Now that the initial infatuation and intoxication on life have faded, I am left facing an unknown void and those heavy layers of dirt again.

The Universe is clever like that. It lifts the layers temporarily to let you see your true light—the life that is possible if you live from that sacred place. But once you have taken a good look, got your hopes up, and feel inspired to take action, it leaves you with those dirty layers again. Because they are yours to clean.

So, my dears, this is exactly where I am at right now. I saw the possibilities, and I am telling you they were so real and so damn beautiful I could almost taste them. I felt them in my bones. That life I dream of was right here. But just as unexpectedly as those visions appeared, they disappeared even quicker.

Now, I am left with a soul that asks me every single day to clear up the old stuff. To let go of that old life. To clean away the dirt we have collected over the years. But my will to do that feels non-existent right now. I feel lost, down, and stuck in the middle of an unknown void—suspended between the old and the new, between what was and what could be if I just got to work.

Luckily, I cannot unsee what I saw under that New Taurus Moon. I know very well that I will have to push through every ounce of demotivation and reluctance and get to work.

I hope when you next hear from me, I will be writing to you from my New Life, introducing our true, handmade Blackbird Cottage to you.

Until then, please take care of yourselves.

With much love,

Tatiana ♥

...beautiul image above by Hussain Khan from Vecteezy